hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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