I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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