I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
