Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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