Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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