The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
