This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
