i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
