If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
