All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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