Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
