you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
