ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
