This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
