Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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