She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
