I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just google imaged poop.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
