This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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