Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
