Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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