she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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