There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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