girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
