I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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