my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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