The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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