I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
