I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
