okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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