Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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