Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
