Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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