shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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