You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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