Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
