Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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