you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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