you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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