I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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