I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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