That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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