you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
