mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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