so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Everclear isn't food dammit
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
