Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
