The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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