She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
