You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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