I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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