as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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