you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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