This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
