he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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