so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
