I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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