He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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