I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
