Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
