I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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