she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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