just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
