someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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