My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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