your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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