SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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