I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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