My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
